About four months after birth, Joan began hearing things at night and sensed that something was wrong but couldn't yet identify that it was a problem.
Transcript
Interviewer: So you said – at what point after your son’s birth did your own mental health start to really decline?
So I think it was, when I noticed that there was a problem it was around like 3.5, four months. And I started hearing things at night because I had the monitor next to my head all the time. So then like I started having auditory hallucinations where I’m thinking like ‘Okay is somebody talking?’ Like ‘I think someone’s talking, what’s going on?’ If I would take my son for walks outside I would think that a car pulling up was going to take him. I became like very, very, very paranoid that someone was going to steal my son.
“So that’s when it became – like that’s when I knew okay, like something’s happening. But I still like was not able to identify like ‘Oh, this is a problem.’ Like I knew it; I don’t know how to explain it. Like I knew that it wasn’t right, but I couldn’t still fully understand that it wasn’t right, if that makes any sense. I would justify it to my… ”
Again, I’m good at convincing myself of anything, so I’d be like ‘You know, well yeah, like I’m being very careful and making sure that my son is well protected, and I have good situational awareness.’ And like no, I was paranoid that someone was going to steal my fucking kid. It was crazy. Like, it was not good.
More from: Joan
More content
- Advice for Women with Perinatal Mental Health Issues – JoanJoan would like friends to step up and offer support.
- Gaps in Health Care System – JoanJoan waited for months for care, despite serious red flags.
- Gaps in Health Care System – JoanJoan could not find services that were easy to access.
- Communicating with Health Care Providers – JoanJoan understood her doctor's duty to report when concerned for her safety.
- Seeking Help and Getting Diagnosis – JoanHer son's health was a big reason for Joan to talk to her doctor about her mental health struggles.
- Work, Finances and Mental Health – JoanJoan worried that working shifts until the end of her pregnancy could make her mental health worse.
- Relationships – JoanJoan knew she could trust her husband 100%, but she still accused him of not taking care of their child properly. He understood and supported her with finding more help.
- Symptoms – JoanAlthough the constant fear that someone was going to hurt her son did not feel normal for Joan, she could justify it to herself.
- First Symptoms – JoanAbout four months after birth, Joan began hearing things at night and sensed that something was wrong but couldn't yet identify that it was a problem.